Emotional Pain

Love really does hurt, just as poets and song writers claim.

The part of the brain which deals with physical pain also governs emotional pain.

In the same way that physical injury can cause long-lasting chronic pain, people suffer during the emotional pain of a relationship break-up, social exclusion or bullying attack.



Trying to be a 'little angel', trying to 'please' a bully to save hearing their bad mouthing abuse, doesn't work.

Take action now, stop worrying about whether you are doing something they may or may not like.

Take control now. The bully is the person with the problem. The bully needs the psychiatric help, not you.

Help the bully change their abusive behaviour pattern now! Change the way you respond to their attacks. If the bully says "Shut up", speak more.

If the bully shouts 'Be quiet', be loud.

Make their commands useless. In time the bully will stop using their favourite commands because they simply become ineffective
(at least with you - they do - Bully will continue to do it with other people)

The bully enjoys your response because you give them what they want. So change your response... and stick at it. Sometimes it takes a while to change a bully's bad behaviour, but it will work.

Researchers are working on it

The old adage "sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you", simply is not true, according to researchers.

Psychologists found memories of painful emotional experiences linger far longer than those involving physical pain.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7587780.stm BBC World News web site 31st August 2008

http://hogwartsfreak.blogspot.com/

not easy to do

It's not easy dealing with a bully, especially if you have had one in your family and have old patterns of behaviour you tend to fall back into.

An aggressive parent will tend to have shy children, who may be fine when away from that parent but the minute they come back to that environment have no recourse for dealing with the difficult person.

Try to deflect the conversation it really does work.. It's not easy to do but it will work.
You must not always agree .. if they are saying something which is obviously untrue then try to gently suggest that this is not the case.

Bullies are used to being agreed with. It makes them feel safe and secure. Victims of bullies are used to agreeing in order to avoid the onslaught of aggression which follows if they do not agree.

But if the difficult person is saying bad things about someone else, perhaps someone in your family and you really don't agree with what's being said. Think about it... Is it right to affirm what the bully is saying ... just to save your skin?

Because the bully will then repeat this and say that 'You' think....this or that...'
You do not want to be misquoted...later to other family members.!

Try to be non committal in your answers. Try gently stating that you have a quiet gentle and kind personality and that you get on well with people.

Bullies really want to get on with people but do not know how and they may try to copy your behaviour, to achieve that.

Remember this ... Little Jemima Hail and hearty thought she'd like to have a party but all her friends were shy and wary, no one came but her own canary. (probably written by Ogden Nash)

Many people are misinterpreted. It causes arguments...